


in the dark

by jengao



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, jeno and jaemin are in a band together, lead singer is a gg idol i hate, not proofread im lazy lmao, slightly nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 10:51:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17979944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jengao/pseuds/jengao
Summary: Jesus Christ, you're so damn cold; Don't you know you've lost control?





	in the dark

jaemin feels the cool tile wall press against his skin. his shirt is soaked through; a mix of sweat, beer, and some girl’s orgasm. his head bangs against the wall, eyes screwing shut as his fingers knot themselves in the boy’s hair in front of him. it’s their guitarist, jeno lee. he’s on his knees, in the dark. 

they’re in a dimly lit bathroom of the bar where they had just played a gig. there’s still electronic dance music pouring in through the crack under the door. jaemin wasn’t supposed to end up like this, not again. not after what happened last time when he let his bandmate shove him into a bathroom stall. last time jaemin had been the one on his knees. “let me return the favour.” jeno had had a razor sharp grin plastered on his face, one that terrified jaemin because it turned him on so much.

when jaemin joined after their last bassist quit, he didn’t realize he was going to get sucked into a whirlwind of drugs, alcohol, and sex. he certainly looked the part; covered in tattoos and dressed in leather and metal. but more than anything else, he wanted jeno. lucky for him, jeno wanted him too. 

but jeno also wanted their lead singer. her face flashes in jaemin’s mind, the way she had tried forcing herself on him after one show. jeno had been the one to pull her off him. jaemin was much taller than her and had a wider build, but he fell to the floor, his body shaking as he still felt the ghost of her hand running over his body. 

jeno had never brought it up again. neither did jaemin. but it didn’t stop her from making snide remarks at the bassist’s expense. yes, jaemin was fucking girls after shows. yes, he hooked up with strangers in the bathroom while high as a kite. but that didn’t mean he was gonna screw their lead singer. because she was screwing jeno. 

when things wouldn’t work out, jeno would crawl back to jaemin. but only halfway; it always ended up with jeno dragging jaemin back in. and jaemin let him. kisses and broken promises whispered in the back of the car, bodies pressed together tightly. tightly enough to be lovers, almost.

oh, jaemin had done it again. he felt himself free falling into a black hole every time he let jeno back in. into his car. into his bed. into a bathroom stall. but he couldn’t find it in him to stop jeno when his lips found their way to jaemin’s skin. he felt himself getting warmer because without him he felt so cold.  

they needed to talk. like now. but with jeno deepthroating jaemin until the bassist was groaning, jaemin didn’t have the words. all he could say was jeno.jeno.jeno.jeno. please don’t stop. exactly, just like that. just like that……..

jeno was surprisingly good with his mouth. not that this was the first time. jaemin already knew yet he couldn’t stop the gasps that left his mouth every time or the way he body reacted to jeno’s touch. 

but looking at the bright side now, he wasn’t the only one. jaemin tugged on jeno’s hair, smirking through the hazy lust clouding his face. jeno moaned around jaemin’s length, his body jerking while fingers grasped at jaemin’s white tank. 

jeno was just as quick to crumble at jaemin’s touch. he managed to navigate the dizzying effect jaemin’s voice and grip was having on him, letting his eyes drag up jaemin’s body until he was staring right into his eyes. jeno relished in the way jaemin froze at his gaze. the way jaemin always did when he was on his knees. 

jaemin felt his breath hitch, watching jeno morph into an innocent boy right underneath him. something in his head was screaming no!no!no! to push him away. every single sensible part of him was telling jaemin that he shouldn’t have let jeno shove him into the wall. he shouldn’t have jeno undo his belt buckle. he shouldn’t have let jeno peel his black skinny jeans down his legs. he shouldn't have let jeno take control of his body. he shouldn’t have. but instead, jaemin pulled jeno’s mouth down on his dick, making him gag in the process. 

jaemin’s face contorted with pleasure as jeno hollowed his cheeks. he let his head bob up and down quicker, addicted to the feeling of jaemin filling his mouth. he pulling jaemin out, letting his tongue drag along the underside all the way to jaemin’s swollen, leaking tip. his fingers wrapped around the base, squeezing tighter and pumping until jaemin’s legs were shaking. he painted jeno’s face white.

jeno wiped his chin with that same devilish grin from before. he dragged a finger along his cheeks, collect jaemin’s come on his digits. one by one, he popped them in his mouth, finishing them off like lollipops.  he maintained eye contact with jaemin the whole time. jeno moaned around his fingers, letting his eyes roll back. jaemin watched the erotic display taking place under him with fascination. he couldn’t tear his eyes away from jeno.

“you taste so good…. do you know that?”

_ does my dick taste better than her? _ jaemin wanted to ask, but jeno pressing wet open mouthed kisses up jaemin’s abdomen stopped him. jeno let his tongue drag along the tattoo of a severed snake right below jaemin’s navel. 

the kisses turned soft quickly enough. as jeno held jaemin’s body close to his, jaemin decided to play pretend. he decided to play pretend that jeno wouldn’t leave him in that stall again. he decided to pretend that jeno was his. that he needed him; that he loved jaemin. the way jaemin was falling for jeno too.

but you always want what you can’t have. that’s human nature and jaemin was no exception. and jeno left him again that night, without fail. jaemin cursed himself, his knuckles meeting the cracked mirror. blood covered his hands and the glass that shattered, pieces falling to the floor seconds later. he stared at himself in the mirror, tear stains running down his cheeks. the bloodied mirror created a demented reflection.

jaemin stared back at the unfamiliar caricature of himself, face dripping in blood. in the dark, jaemin swore he saw it smile, lips turning up in a snarl. he stared, the tears of his reflection turning black. jaemin stumbled backward. a mind splitting shriek escaped his throat; smothered by jeno’s guitar riff. 

he was back on stage. their lead singer’s voice followed. jaemin didn’t have to see how she had her hands all over him, jeno with a shit-eating smirk on his face. he was having the time of his life, while jaemin was crying into still bloody hands. his tears mixed with his blood, turning pink and painting his face like blush. 

jaemin eventually stumbled out on his own, never looking back to see jeno staring at his retreating figure as he strayed out the door. a shadow of sadness washed over the guitarist’s face, twisting his expression into a painful feeling he wasn’t familiar with. but it wasn't a twinge of remorse, regret, or even guilt. jeno didn’t know what those meant. not anymore. 

just as quickly as the strange set of emotions had crashed down on him, they vanished as jeno was whisked away off stage, a pair of hands frantically running over his body. she smelled of weed and cheap beer; two of jeno’s favorite things. jaemin’s orgasm face flashed behind his eyes one more time she pushed jeno up against a wall. she was one helluva a kisser. her tongue in jeno’s mouth and his arms wrapping around her waist; jeno all but completely forgot jaemin. 

jaemin barely made it home. he locked his door behind him, sliding slowly down the cold metal. he pulled his legs in, curling up as ugly, numbing sobs tumbled out his body. the blood on his hands, which had long dried, smeared once more as his tears overflowed and overtook his body. jaemin knew if he kept following jeno, he would only further lose himself.

jeno was a shithead. an all-around shithead. jaemin hated him. or at least….. he wanted to. but his angry tears soon gave way to those of anguish, pain, and most of all: fear. he was so scared. scared of how he would have to see jeno again and pretend everything was okay. that he would have to see jeno and pretend he wasn’t his dick appointment. that he would have to see their lead singer with her hands all over the boy that would sooner or later end up on his knees in front of jaemin. 

jaemin was scared of how jeno was so good at pulling him back in, time and again. he was deathly afraid of how much jeno broke his heart into bits and shards every time he left him after he was done with him, and yet, this did nothing to deter jaemin. 

“i apologize if you feel something.” — jeno

jeno had never had feelings for jaemin. not in the slightest. the only thing he liked about jaemin was the way he was so quick to fall to his knees and how pretty his mouth looked wrapped around his dick. jeno may have been faintly aware of jaemin’s unrequited feelings, but he was never sober long enough to do anything about it.

sober not only meaning just drunk or high (or both) but meaning going down on their lead singer. quite the sucker, jeno was addicted to her. but just the way jeno used jaemin for his pleasure, she was using jeno. he meant nothing to her. 

she had asked him once after sex if he loved her. jeno, who was playing with her fingers, froze with confusion. love? what the fuck was that? 

she didn’t mean much more to jeno than jaemin did. but subconsciously jeno refused to acknowledge his attraction to jaemin as anything but purely sexual when he was drunk. but he always assumed that jaemin would be there, waiting for him when he wanted (read: needed) him. 

so when jaemin jumps off stage after a set into the arms of another boy, jeno feels something in him break.

not his heart. he doesn’t love jaemin, remember? but a bit of his sanity.

jeno jumped down making his way through the crowd prying hands off him along the way his eyes were set on one boy and one boy only his boy yet his boy was in the arms of another boy jeno wasn’t about to allow that to happen and as he got closer to jaemin who was smiling blushing and giggling jeno only felt himself get angrier and he felt his chest tighten as fear washed off the happiness on jaemin’s face as he locked eyes with jeno looking more like the jaemin jeno was so familiar with and that fear turned into tears as jeno tore the tanned boy jaemin was still holding by the waist from his grasp and threw to the floor while jaemin’s body hit the floor as well— 

jeno closed his eyes. what was he thinking?

he turned away from the sight of a happy jaemin, letting her drag him offstage. soon enough, he had enough to shit in his system to tolerate her tongue in his mouth and forget jaemin. jaemin. jaemin...

that boy came again and again. he never missed their shows. and every night, jaemin would run into his arms. jaemin hadn’t spoken to jeno in weeks. jeno tried texting him one particular afternoon, only to find his texts undelivered. blocked. 

jaemin, for his part, was happy. donghyuck made him happy. it took losing jeno for jaemin to realize what he truly deserved. and what jeno deserved as well. jeno was a cheat; jaemin would never be anything but a whore to him. someone to use and abuse when their lead singer wanted to blow someone other than jeno. jeno broke jaemin until he was a shell of his former self. and now donghyuck had finally made him whole again. and jaemin wasn’t going to allow jeno in ever again. 

that all goes to plan until jeno corners jaemin in that same fucking bathroom. he corners the jaemin who’s currently sitting on the bathroom sink, back leaning into the same mirror he had smashed to pieces a month before. they had replaced it but it was already covered in marker, lipstick and other unidentifiable stains. at least that’s what jaemin hoped they were. 

donghyuck was standing in between jaemin’s legs, lips slightly swollen. they were both in a daze when jeno barged in.   


_ So don't swear to God, He never asked you _

_ It's not his heart you drove a knife through _

jaemin felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes at the sight of his ex-hookup. not ex-lover. 

“what is this?” jeno was angry, his tone indignant.

“do you fucking need something?” 

jaemin put a gentle hand on donghyuck’s cheek and turned his face back towards him. he pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, keenly aware of jeno’s widening eyes. 

_ It's not his world you turned inside out _

_ Not his tears still rolling down _

jeno felt his hands clench at his side, balling into fists. jaemin was a brat, same as ever. but he wasn’t being a brat under him but for some other boy. jeno felt his blood boil at the sight, just like it had on stage weeks ago. the only difference was there was no else in the bathroom this time. and jeno always locked the door when he stepped into a room with jaemin. 

jaemin was aware of this habit. in the past, it had scared him. now, jeno held no power over him. jaemin was never going to let him in, again. jeno stepped toward the pair, feet firm but face full of fear. jeno refused to accept that reality. jaemin was just fucking around, wasn’t he?

a laugh suddenly bubbled out of jeno; jaemin and donghyuck silently watching the boy laugh and attempt to wipe away the leaking tears. they still noticed. jaemin felt his heart shake for a moment for the boy who he had loved and thought would maybe one day love him back. but as donghyuck intertwined his finger with jaemin’s, he felt his heart still once more, a steely gaze returning to his face. 

he’d hurt him once, twice, thrice; too many times. 

_ Jesus Christ, you're so damn cold _

_ Don't you know you've lost control? _

jaemin wouldn’t make the same mistake he spent almost a year making. not now when he had more than his own heart to lose. donghyuck was slowly becoming his everything. and he wasn’t going to let jeno’s dick tear them apart. 

_ Forget about the things you think I know _

_ No secrets, you can't keep me _

_ In the dark. _

not anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> based of in the dark from bmth ;


End file.
